Little Princesses and Warrior Princesses June 18, 2013 15:15

Inside every woman is a little girl, and inside every little girl is a princess. I’m not trying to perpetuate gender stereotypes, but I do think it is important to acknowledge, embrace and celebrate the essence of femininity that separates girls from boys, women from men. Whether a little girl imagines herself to be Pocahontas, Cinderella, Spiderman, Luke Skywalker or something different all together, the princess heart is behind it all – a desire to be captivating, strong, beautiful and heroic all at the same time. 

I recently wrote a post reviewing a book I read called ‘Raising A Son,’ which opened my eyes to the biological drivers that make boys so special and different from everyone else. Because I live with all males (including the pets), I sometimes forget the flip side of the equation: the deeply rooted differences that make girls (and women) so special. In an effort to remind me of this, my mom gave me the book ‘Captivating,’ which discusses the core of femininity and helps women to understand the reason for our yearnings and hearts’ desires.  

I would highly recommend this book. It is very inspiring and would resonate with women from all walks of life. It is a Christian book, but I think even non-Christian women will find something truthful and enlivening in the message about femininity. It reminds us that treasuring our beauty doesn’t mean giving up our strength and that having power doesn’t have to mean sacrificing our gentle, nurturing side either. Women get to be everything – life giver, beauty, leader, warrior, vulnerable, princess – all at once.

This gift that we have, to get to play every role and still be feminine, is something that must be cherished and nurtured in little girls. I don’t have a daughter, but many of my friends do; and I have very young cousins and a niece who are all little warrior princesses to me. I love their fire, sensitivity and wistfulness. I’m excited to watch them grow into young women who will make a mark on this world in the way that only females can. This photo is of my lovely little cousin who is a princess through and through!

-Ashley 

The Case For Staying Home May 16, 2013 13:42

There’s a lot to read out there about how hard it is to stay home with your children, ways for parents to cope with the challenges and the importance of having space from your children and an independent sense of self. These things are all true and important. However, what I feel gets lost in all that talk about the housecleaning, the crying children, discipline challenges, and the monotony of being home, is the truth about how amazing it really is to spend your ‘career’ caring for your own children.

I feel so blessed to be living my dream of being a mother and having the opportunity to stay home with my children. It is an opportunity not all parents are afforded, and while many parents choose working outside the home for personal, professional and financial reasons, I choose to stay home. Like many stay at home moms, I’m very employable and had a thriving career before my family grew by one, and then two children.  People often question why someone would voluntarily leave a successful career and comfortable salary when there are so many varied childcare options available. This is such a personal choice, and is different for each family; but for me, I couldn’t cope with the stress of being away from my little ones for the vast majority of my days.

And it was more than that. I knew that (again this is very individual) I couldn’t give myself fully to my family or my career as long as I was splitting my time between both. I tried going back to work after my first son arrived. It worked out for a while, but eventually, one side of the equation was always suffering. And I was always suffering in the middle. Most parents, especially moms, face this struggle on some level – ultimately it’s about following the stronger pull, whether that’s money, family needs, personal satisfaction, etc.

Mothers working outside the home need advocacy and support for the challenges they face in the workplace, and stay home moms need the same support, respect, recognition and validation that they are doing something meaningful and important. In light of honoring stay at home moms, I’ve decided to highlight a few of the reasons why I feel staying home is the best gig there is.

1)   Play: Sure, it can be exhausting to chase two busy kids around a zoo, playground or hiking trail, all while lugging sippy cups, snacks, diapers and a deserted tricycle. But, I get to play for ‘work’. The most important task of my day is to engage my children in exploring their world with their minds and bodies. We play, we go on adventures and we enjoy the outdoors. I’d gladly trade a day in the office for a day of changing diapers if it means I get to spend the bulk of my time having fun with my kids.

2)   Involvement: Stay at home moms have the luxury – and I do feel it is a luxury – of being involved in their children’s daily lives, friendships and school. I keep my kids pretty active, and I’m the lucky one who gets to watch them learn how to swim, see their first somersault at gymnastics class and cheer from the sidelines at a weekday t-ball practice. I know their friends well, and have the time to chat with the pre-school teachers at drop off and pick up. I can help in the classroom and volunteer to bring snacks without having to make concessions in a work schedule to do so.

3)   Variety: I’m a busy body, and I do not do well with being idle. The prospect of staying at home all day without any planned activities can sometimes cause me anxiety. And there are monotonous days when I feel a deep longing for adult life outside of my home. Definitely days when I miss my former job. But kids bring boundless variety. Each day brings a new development, milestone, conversation, opportunity for teaching and excitement. A child views each new day with hope and anticipation for what might happen. If you can immerse yourself in that way of thinking, each day at home with your children can be entertaining and stimulating for everyone.

4)   Company: I don’t have to spend an entire day alone with a computer. I always have someone to talk to – and kids are much more capable of deep conversations than they are often given credit for.  I’m needed and wanted every day, and though I’m much harder on myself in terms of expectations than any former ‘boss’ ever was, I’m removed from the drama that can come with workplace relationships. Plus, I get to meet other parents and spend afternoons with my best friends while our children play together.

5)   Challenge: Learning how to discipline my children has been the most daunting aspect of parenting. I know what values I want ingrained in them, I know what my expectations are of them for social and familial behavior, I know that I want to be gentle and empathetic with them. But I tend to have no idea of how to achieve these things gracefully or even successfully. My husband and I work to find balance between parenting ‘tactics’ we’ve learned from books and experts with our natural parental instincts. Everyone knows parenting isn’t easy, but staying home all day and maintaining patience and calm day after day is the ultimate test. I appreciate the challenge. And while there have been countless times I’ve felt broken by it, staying home with my kids is teaching me to be a better person and to dig deep to uncover parts of myself I didn’t know were there. I’ve yet to experience a paying job that offers the same level of self discovery.

-Ashley

Mom of the Month - Our Mom Tara Fairfield April 18, 2013 15:48

It seems that if two sisters run their own website, and have a blog that features a mom of the month, they better be sure to feature their own mom at some point. Alyssa and I agreed that for April, we’d choose our own mom for the monthly Mom of the Month column. So below you’ll find a short excerpt from each of us detailing just what we admire most about our own mom.

From me:

I owe my sense of determination and self worth to my mom. There were times during my childhood that were very trying emotionally, but through it all, my mom never failed to remind me that I was special and had a mark to make on the world. She instilled a deep sense of independence in me by allowing me to make mistakes and supporting my decisions, even if she disagreed with the path I was choosing.

She was a single mother for about half of my childhood (during which time she managed to raise three of us, worked full time and obtained her doctorate degree in psychology), and continually reminded me the importance of being independent. Of all the values my mom instilled in me – my faith in Christ, my belief that it’s ok to have my head in the clouds, my confidence, the importance of serving others – the most prominent was to ensure my own survival, independence and prosperity through education and work ethic.

She learned this lesson the hard way, and was determined to raise us kids to learn from her trials and tribulations. We did. My mom’s insistence on obtaining an education and following a sustainable career path fueled my personal ambitions and helped me keep my focus. When the time came for me to leave home and venture out to college, the transition was hard, but I was mentally ready to fend for myself. That level of autonomy is something I hope I can encourage in my own children when they are at the right age.

Our mom has just recently achieved yet another amazing feat. She wrote a novel, pitched it tirelessly and obtained a publisher for it. It launched, and is being bought and enjoyed by readers across the country – and internationally! I’m so proud of my mom, so happy for her that she has been able to chase this dream; and look to her as inspiration that really anything is possible with the right level of perseverance.

From Alyssa:

Ash and I love giving our mother a hard time, laughing at all of her funny quirks and dramatic moments. But, in all reality, she is one strong lady. As I am writing this, I am currently on a plane to go and meet our family in Hawaii. We are celebrating the release of her new book, Makai Queen, which is just another outcome of her determination and hard work.  

I have a lot of gratitude and admiration for our mother.  I was very young when our parents divorced, and as Ashley said, she raised the three of us kids by herself, worked full time, and completed her doctorates.  She made a lot of sacrifices for us, as I like to say "manned up", and much of where I am and who I am today is owed to that.  I am sure this is where my 'no excuse' mentality comes from.  

One of the qualities of our mother that I am so thankful for is her unwavering support. I was never told I was not capable of doing something. Our mother always pushes us to go for our dreams and ensures us we are capable of achieving anything we put our minds to. She not only tells us this, she shows us this. I can always turn to her for support and encouragement. 

She is amazing. We are three very lucky children.  

For more about her book, visit http://www.makaiqueen.com/. It’s a fantastic read, and we’re not just saying that because we’re biased.

-Ashley